As much as we’d like it to be, life isn’t always positivity, sunshine, and righteousness. Sometimes, it’s negative, dark, and mistake-ridden. But how we reconcile and embrace these, is the surest way to find our joy.
In the past couple of weeks, I’ve witnessed grown adults behave despicably. These people have been reckless in their speech, disrespectful in their actions, and downright belittling. They’ve had no regard or concern for those on the receiving end of their tirades. And no reason nor apology could move them. They’re anger and hurt were matched only by their arrogance and pride, inflating their egos and perceived transgressions to absurd proportions.
It’s difficult to detach in these situations. You want to fight back. You want to convince them of your loyalty, of your genuineness, and of your light. You want to bring up every single moment that you weren’t any of those things they’ve labeled you. You want to control their feelings. But you soon realize you can’t.
I took some time to make some sense of this all. I’ve only ever seen one thing in my life as unforgivable, and as of last year, that too has been forgiven. But it’s because of that situation that I recognize despicableness when I see it. It’s because I’ve been there too. So, part of my growth has been the encouragement and acknowledgment of wholeness. I sincerely believe that people, including myself, are more than just the good and bad we do. I try to see beyond, I hold on tight to those I love, and I’ve placed a lot of strength in hanging in there.
But still, there has to be a line.
We all have to ask ourselves: at what point do things just go too far? And how much do we have to take before we simply walk away?
I found my breaking point at the intersection of people and problems. I’ve seen that when these two merge, bad things happen. Those who see people as their problem are in a fog that I just can’t be a part of. This fog reveals a lack of accountability. It triggers blame. It punishes. It’s angry, cold, scared, and unforgiving. So when I become someone’s personal problem, that’s my clearest cue to move on.
The truth is, we can’t change the minds of people who are committed to seeing us a certain way. Just as we must own our feelings, so too must they own theirs. We also can’t compromise our own integrity by holding on for dear life to something that’s already gone. But we can extend our love and our compassion from afar through wholeness and forgiveness of ourselves and others.
What I will say, however, is that it is illogical and arrogant to believe that people are always your problem. Not everything is personal. Not everything is an attack. Not everything is hate. And to make character assessments instead of actual peace only helps to further avoid what’s real. It is only when we learn to separate people from problems and reality from illusion, that we see the world most clearly.
People are still more than just the good and bad they do, but sometimes you have to give them room to grow. There’s strength in letting go, too.
No love lost. None of us are perfect.