It’s July. One of my favorite months. I was born in July. I met my fiance seven years ago in July. And in less than two weeks, I’ll be getting married in July! But right now, I’m just hanging out. Because the next couple weeks are going to be insane with wedding details.
In this engagement period, I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am and who I thought I was. It has been so therapeutic for me to write this blog. And I’m truly grateful for all the stories and feedback I’ve heard over the last few months from those who could relate, and also, from those who could not. It’s really forced me to think harder about my actions and to see things from perspectives I would have previously dismissed.
When you’re trying to rid yourself of perfectionism, it becomes much more apparent the things you want so badly to control. I’ve on many occasions had to ask myself, why won’t you just let go? What’s holding you back? And what’s funny is that the answer isn’t just that I’m scared of what’s on the other side. A lot of times, the answer is that I’m afraid of all the attention that comes with being different from how I’ve always been. I’m just not sure who this new person will be.
Let me try to break it down. Have you ever heard that some people who are overweight dread losing visible pounds? Yea, the fear comes from the fact that people will notice that they’ve decided to do something about their “problem” and make a change. Even though it’s mostly praise that they’ll receive–a bunch of congrats and “did you lose weight??” questions–the attention still brings about an odd discomfort.
I get that feeling a lot these days. I just have this idea in my head of how I’m supposed to be, and how things are supposed to be. My thoughts are being challenged more than ever. Getting out of my comfort zone is a challenge all in itself. But I’m trying to do it anyway. In fact, I’m considering a pretty serious change in my life right now that means giving up a lot of the control that I’ve held on to for so long.
Anyway, maybe I’m crazy to have made the decision to deal with my faults while planning a wedding. It’s definitely been hectic. And maybe the timing wasn’t really right. But that’s just it. The time will never be exactly right to make a change for the better. So why not now? Why not just go for it?
Next time you’ll hear from me, I’ll be married to the love of my life. I don’t like writing big, sweeping pieces about love. I’m sure I couldn’t do it much justice. But what I will say is that love is the greatest opponent to perfectionism. It’s inherently and unapologetically imperfect. All you can do is your very best to make it work. And fortunately, it’s worth every single second.
Until next time, remember: perfectionism is impossible, but happiness is well within your reach. Talk to you soon.